Showing posts with label sf. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sf. Show all posts

Tuesday, 14 July 2026

Saving Doctor Who: Conclusions

The BBC is putting out Doctor Who to competitive tender. As production companies prepare their bids, and the BBC prepares to assess them, the most important question they need to address is "what do viewers want from Doctor Who?"

Since the last few years have been so divisive, that question may seem a bit harder to answer than it should be. It may well seem that everybody wants something different, and that some of them are looking for a fight with people who don't want what they want. But hopefully there's one thing we can all agree on.

We want great stories.

We want stories that have space and time to develop, and come to a satisfactory conclusion. We want stories that explore the universe, take us to richly detailed worlds, and invite us to see our own through fresh eyes. We want stories with believable characters, who we can get to know, and who we can see grow and develop. We want stories with strong moral themes, that make us think but never preach, patronise, or court controversy for its own sake. We want a Doctor with strong and consistent values. We want stories that inform and educate, but never forget to entertain.

We want stories that we could be part of. We want them to take place in a universe that's consistent with itself and with ours. To that end, some of the more incoherent elements of recent Doctor Who need to be quietly forgotten about. We may wish to suggest that, like Scream of the Shalka or the Virgin New Adventures, they may have taken place in an alternative timeline, but since we want to reunite a divided fan community, it's wisest to let people make their own minds up about that.

We want stories told by a creative team that shares resposibility for making Doctor Who the best it can be, rather than concentrating all the power in one man's hands.

The story must always come first.

Thursday, 9 July 2026

Saving Doctor Who: Worldbuilding

For a show that can go anywhere in time and space, 21st Century Doctor Who is strangely parochial. Its concerns are those of a WEIRD culture - Western, Educated, Industrial, Rich and Democratic. Our own planet has far more ways of seeing the world that Doctor Who is showing us, let alone the rest of the Universe.

In The Star Beast Donna asks The Meep what its pronouns are. This assumes that The Meep's native language has the same type of sex-based gender system as English, and that The Meep has the same sort of hangups about that as Russel T Davies. But only about a third of human languages have sex-based gender systems, and over half have no gender system at all. In some languages, the correct pronoun is determined by things like age, social status and formality. Some languages hardly use pronouns at all - either because the information is marked on the verb, or because you omit anything that can be understood from context. Speakers of languages with sex-based gender systems often take the attitude that gender just part of the way the language works, no big deal. If you ask an alien what its pronouns are, a reasonable answer is "What the heck are you talking about?"

One 20th Century story that depicted a fictional society particularly well was The Robots of Death. The story is confined to a single location, the sandminer, but the costumes, the dialogue between the crew members, their job titles, and Uvanov's backstory paint a vivid picture of the wider society of Kaldor. Kaldor, we learn, is a society ruled (often corruptly) by the First Families, where elaborate headdresses and face-paint are used to show status and office. Someone from outside the First Families can rise to command on talent, but risks being made a scapegoat if the First Families want to cover something up. They are dependent on robots - robots might even be employed to bring up an orphaned child - but often uneasy about this and still value human insight. Its economy revolved around using mobile sandminer vehicles to harvest valuable minerals from desert sandstorms. Their unease about their dependence on robots sometimes develops into full-blown robophobia. The explanation given for this, "It's like being surrounded by walking, talking dead men," is psychologically plausible - it's what we call the Uncanny Valley Effect.

This brings me to one of my greatest disappointments with 21st Century Doctor Who. For a science fiction show, it doesn't actually seem to care about science. In Gridlock, the cars are all using each other's exhausts as fuel. That's a perpetual motion machine, and if you have any knowledge of physics at all, it breaks suspension of disbelief. OK, so things like the TARDIS are definitely Sufficiently Advanced Technology, but basing the technology seen in the show on sound scientific principles wherever possible could lead to stronger stories - the more you care, the better you write. When the show first began the "Educate" bit of "Inform, Educate and Entertain" was an important part of its brief, and to that end they had a scientific advisor to ensure that science depicted made sense. His name was Kit Pedlar, and he devised the Cybermen.

As RTD leaned more and more into outright fantasy, he wrote weaker and weaker stories as a result. An example of this is the Pantheon of Discord. In a Pantheon story, a godlike being turns up, along with a "harbringer" (who does nothing), giggles inanely, announces that he's the God of Something, causes havoc, and sets the Doctor an arbitrary puzzle that he has to solve to defeat him. I don't think any idea has ever been overused more quickly.

Another area that Doctor Who originally sought to educate people about was history. 21st Century stories with a historical setting are usually "The Doctor Meets Famous Person" stories. One problem with this is that the famous historical person has to be given a simplified, broad strokes treatment that ignores their real flaws and complexities, and the second is that it tends to implicitly support the Great Men view of history, which most historians consider old-fashioned at best. Seeing the lives of ordinary people in history has potential. The most successful historical character there's ever been was Jamie McCrimmon, an ordinary Scot who fought on the losing side of the Battle of Culloden, and went on to become the Second Doctor's companion.

Pure historical stories were abandoned by the BBC after the first few years of Doctor Who because audiences found them boring compared to science fiction stories. Aliens invading in the past can work better - The Visitation is a good example. However, getting the balance between the science fiction and history right can be tricky. Rosa and Demons of the Punjab both felt that they'd have worked better if you took all the science fiction elements out of them - incuding the Doctor.

Another setting we need to think about is contemporary Earth. I feel that this should be used sparingly (not more than one per season), and that when it is used, it should feel like the world we live in. Since Rose, RTD set stories in an alternative present, where alien invasions were increasingly common knowledge, ending up with UNIT having a huge skyscraper base with a helipad in the middle of London. Part of Steven Moffat's motivation for the Cracks in Time story arc was go get back to the feeling that Doctor Who could be set in our world. It's much more involving if you can make believe that one day you could meet the Doctor in the street, get mixed up in his latest adventure, and be invited for a ride in the TARDIS.

Character development is an important part of making a story feel real, and unfortunately, 21st Century Doctor Who has often skimped on this. According to The Writer's Tale, RTD likes to delineate a character in three words. As a result, his characters tend to be shallow and static. In his first term as showrunner, the only companion he gave significant development to was Donna, and he ended her story the first time round by undoing all her character development. At least he tried to right this in the 60th Anniversary specials. Steven Morrat's companion characters, Amy, Rory and Clara, were much better developed. We got to know them, we saw where they were coming from, and what their lives outside the TARDIS were like. We learnt how travelling with the Doctor changed them - sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Clara's inherent compassion and her growing recklessness made her death in Face the Raven a shockingly logical end for her character.

Doctor Who has a long, complex and sometimes contradictory history, and has always worn its continuity lightly. However, it's important to retain some sense of coherence, and to this end writers should respect the work of their predecessors. You shouldn't contradict previous stories unless they're really terrible. Artibrarily retconning the Doctor's entire backstory, as Chris Chibnall did with the Timeless Child story arc, added nothing. An ordinary Time Lord who ran away and got involved in the wider universe is a better backstory than a mysterious immortal being who the Time Lords got their powers by experimenting on. And what did it give us? A mess of contradictions, a character who claims to be the Doctor but has none of the Doctor's values, and an episode that consists of one third the irrelevant life story of a boring Irish policeman, one third the Master giving a pointless infodump, and one third the worst Cybermen story ever made. The Timeless Child belongs in the same bin as "I'm half human on my mother's side."

It's a big, strange, scary, wonderful universe out there, and we've got a TARDIS. Let's go and explore it.

Good worldbuilding makes good stories.

Wednesday, 8 July 2026

Saving Doctor Who: Tone, Morality and Politics

Science fiction has always been a genre that engages with moral and political issues. It uses aliens and other worlds to show us our problems through different eyes. Doctor Who was inspired by the foundational works of HG Wells, whose The War of the Worlds is one of the classics of anti-colonial literature. The Doctor is generally protrayed as an anti-authoritarian figure, and his greatest enemies, the Daleks, are Nazis. The best stories of the 21st Century are typically the ones with the strongest moral themes, such as Oxygen, in which the villain is a corporation that puts profit above human life. The BBC's mission is to Inform, Educate and Entertain, and there's no good reason why Doctor Who shouldn't do all three.

However, to do so successfully, the show needs a consistent moral framework. During Steven Moffat's time as showrunner, the Doctor would often say that he was "Never cruel and never cowardly". However, The Interstellar Song Context, which trys to cover the same themes as Oxygen undermines its message with a scene in which the Doctor tortures a character in cold blood. In fact, RTD's writing in his last season seems to have developed a nasty streak of cruelty. We had a scene in which the Doctor cuts off the power to a hospital, one in which robots vapourise a cat, and one in which the villain is reduced to an egg and a sperm and then hoovered up by a floor-cleaning robot, all played for laughs, in the space of a single episode.

Part of the problem is that RTD's moral thinking has become shallow and simplistic. The frantic pace of his episodes rarely allows for any message deeper than "This stuff's bad, OK?" which comes off as patronising at best. Also, he seems to think that morality consists entirely of cheering for the right people. One problem with that is that you're deciding who's good and who's bad based on who they are, not what they do. Another is that people who don't count as the right people end up being villfied. Any what do people do when the feel villfied? They push back. If you portray all straight white men as evil losers, as RTD did in his last season, a certain proportion of them will think, "Stuff you, I'm voting for the Daleks!"

Moral messages should be offered to the audience to be taken freely, not forced upon them. Showrunners doing deliberately contentious things and saying, "If you disagree with me, you're a bad person!" achieves nothing but raising hackles and dividing the crowd.

Moral messages also need to form a natural part of the story. If you have to finish with the Doctor preaching a trite little sermon, as many 13th Doctor stories did, you've failed. In Genesis of the Daleks, the Doctor's dilemma about how far he can go to thwart the rise of the greatest evil power in the Universe without becoming like them himself is the very heart of the story. One of the key themes of the Third Doctor's era is the conflict between the Doctor's anti-authoritarian values and the Brigadier's military mindset, and how they manage to work together for a common purpose and even be good friends despite this. Inform, educate and entertain, but remember that in Doctor Who, you have to entertain first, and let informing and educating come along for the ride.

The last two showrunners have both attempted to make points with the identity of the Doctor. This doesn't really work. We have a lot of baggage about certain things because of our history, but the Doctor is an alien and shouldn't have those issues to start with. In Star Trek, which was first broadcast while the Civil Rights Movement was ongoing, it was important to show a black woman Lt. Uhura, as a senior officer on a star ship. However, the Doctor doesn't belong to that type of command structure, and he comes from a planet where the Atlantic slave trade and segregation never happened. He should be able to treat our baggage about skin colour as a load of pathetic nonsense. In The Story and The Engine, the Doctor goes to Nigeria because he says he feels at home there as a black man. But Ncuti Gatwa had always played his version of the Doctor as queer, and Nigeria is a shockingly homophobic country. I felt that the episode should have been called The Elephant in the Room.

Injustice always has a historical context. I found it depressing that the villain in Rosa, who was trying to thwart the Civil Rights Movement, came from 50000 years in the future. Go that far in the other direction and living in caves was an exciting new innovation. Why would the lies that slave traders told to excuse their crimes still be believed that far in the future? The unintended message seems to be that people never improve. There's not much point trying to tell people to be better if you're going to imply that they can't.

A show with time travel could use that to explore the historic roots of injustice. Suppose we have a story where one guest character seems suspicious of another for no apparent reason. A companion asks why, and he replies, "You can't trust people from Kalthur, everyone knows that." Later, the character from Kalthur does something heroic, and we see that the other's prejuduce against him was unjustified.

In a later story, we visit Kalthur in the distant past, and witness the terrible events that led to the city getting its evil reputation - long forgotten by the time of the original story.

If I have one piece of advice for the writers of future Doctor Who stories on how to handle moral issues, it's don't tell people what to think, just make them think.

Tuesday, 7 July 2026

Saving Doctor Who: Pace and Structure

Doctor Who was better in the 20th Century.

To see why, let's look at Rogue, one of the weaker episodes Ncuti Gatwa's first season. There were two strands to the plot - in one, the Chuldur, a family of shape-shifting alien Bridgerton fans come to Regency England and infiltrate a society ball, intending to Cosplay the planet to death for no particular reason. In the other, the Doctor has a brief, doomed romance with Rogue, a Captain Jack style bounty hunter who is trying to catch them.

Unfortunately, neither of these strands had enough development. The Chuldur and their plot were slight and insubstantial. We never got to know any of their victims, so none of them seemed to matter, except for the bait-and-switch with Ruby (who was obviously going to survive the episode). Meanwhile, Rogue didn't get enough character development to explain why the Doctor would fall for him so suddenly, or why we should care about him - especially as he obviously wasn't going to survive the episode. There simply wasn't enough time to make any of the story's elements work.

The problem lies with the first and biggest mistake that RTD made when he revived the series - one he made before writing a single line. This is the single episode format that has dominated Doctor Who since 2005. Many episodes seem rushed. Either the plot and characters are underdeveloped, or the pace is breathless, or the writer tries to cram so much stuff into 45 minutes that it becomes hard to follow, or there isn't time to set up a satisfactory conclusion, so we end up with deus ex machina. It seems that Russel T Davis was subconsciously aware of these structural problems as early as The Parting of the Ways, in which Doctor doesn't have time to finish his anti-Dalek weapon, and only the literal deus ex machina of Rose looking into the heart of the Tardis and making a wish saves the day.

So why did RTD chose this format? A clue can be found in the following line from Rose.

I got the Bronze.

Russel followed the format of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which had been popular in the years preceding the revival. A season would consist mainly of self-contained episodes, but build towards a final confrontation with a boss villain at the end of the season. This is the format that Doctor Who has followed (with a few variations) since.

As well as rushed storytelling, another consequence of this is that the leads have to be on screen almost all the time. This gives them a gruelling shooting schedule, and, to provide them with breaks, it's necessary to have a "Doctor-Lite" episodes - not so much Doctor Who as Doctor? Where?

Over the course of 21st Century Doctor Who's run, seasons have become shorter and shorter, from 13 episodes in 2005 to a mere 8 in 2024. This leaves fans feeling short-changed, especially when both 73 Yards and Dot and Bubble were Doctor-Lite episodes. Furthermore, because of the need for the season finale to be an event, each season finale has tried to outdo the last, leading to stories where spectacle overwhelms logic.

How did 20th Century Doctor Who do things better? Back then, stories were typically four episodes long, sometimes 6. This allowed them time to breathe. Settings could be explored, characters developed, villains given motivations, ideas fleshed out. At its best, this led to classics like Genesis of the Daleks, which had a depth of storytelling that no 21st Century story has ever approached.

When Doctor Who returns, the new production team should revive the original format. The BBC and its partners should commit to making 4 four-part stories per year. The greater depth and scope of these stories would allow us to feel that we were exploring the Universe with the Doctor, and remove the need for any one story to serve as a season finale. The pace of the action could vary from episode to episode within a story, and from scene to scene within an episode. As more time could be spent developing secondary characters, the scenes focussing on them could be sheduled together, so as to give the leads regular breaks from filming without having to take them out of a whole episode.

Doctor Who is the show that can go anywhere and do anything, but to truly reach its creative potential, it needs more than 8 single-episode stories a year. And for those of us who watched Doctor Who as children in the 20th Century, what was it we talked about in the school playground on Monday morning? The cliffhangers...

Monday, 6 July 2026

Saving Doctor Who: Introduction

Doctor Who seems to have dematerialised for the forseeable future. The Disney deal fell through, Russel T Davies is no longer involved, and the next Christmas Special has been cancelled - or rather, once the news of RTD's departure came out, he was forced to admit it had never been commissioned in the first place. Worse still, the last few seasons hadn't made the slightest bit of sense, and the last episode wrote the story into a corner that RTD's successor will have great difficulty writing their way out of. (Presumably RTD was not expecting the Disney deal to fail or the BBC to lose patience with him when he wrote that). It looks like the show will be off air for some considerable time - RTD hinted as much in an interview with Newsround after the Disney deal fell through, in which he said
The viewers of Newsround will grow up.
It's likely that he already knew he was going at that point (a drama he'd written for Channel 4 came out just before it was announced that he was leaving Doctor Who, that didn't happen overnight, and he wouldn't have done it if he had other commitments) , and he seems to have been envisioning a gap of at least 5 years before the BBC tried to revive the show again. But what should Doctor Who be like when it does return? The last few seasons have been as divisive as they have been incoherent. How can it become a show that matters again? Can it regenerate into a show that people love? What do we want from Doctor Who? I've got my own ideas, and over the next week or so I'll be putting them forward in a series of articles. Each will address a different aspect of the making of Doctor Who, and I'll try to analyse what went wrong with it, how it has been done right in the past, and what I think should happen going forward. I'll be referring a lot to 20th Century Doctor Who, which I think generally had better stories. The esssays I'm planning are:
  1. Pace and Structure
  2. Tone, Morality and Politics
  3. Worldbuilding
  4. Visual Effects
  5. Behind the Scenes
  6. Conclusions
Together, they will comprise my manifesto for how to recreate Doctor Who better than ever. I welcome feedback, as long as it aims to improve my ideas, not shoot them down. As the fan community is so divided at the moment, I can't expect everyone to agree with me, and some of the things I think were mistakes are likely to have vociferous defenders. I'm also aware that the more divisive storylines of recent years have attracted knee-jerk reactions from the more obnoxious elements of the fanbase. However, just because there are people who object to something for stupid reasons, it doesn't mean there are not intelligent reasons for criticising it. If I get sufficient constructive feedback, I'll add a postscript discussing the points raised, but I won't engage with people who accuse me of prejudice, or claim to agree with me for prejudiced reasons.

Monday, 18 November 2019

War of the Worlds: Part 1

The BBC's adaptation of The War of the Worlds is a fantastically produced adaptation, and definitely had some impressive moments - seeing the invasion ships launch from Mars was a brilliant opening. But one major problem became apparent over the course of the episode - the adapter had written more of it than HG Wells.

Peter Harness has previously written for Doctor Who, a show strongly influenced by HG Wells. Unfortunately, his episodes tended to be a bit heavy-handed. Here, he moved the time frame forward from "the last year's of the 19th century" to "the first years of the 20th", and introduced a diplomatic crisis involving Russian attacks on fishing boats that quickly became irrelevant. Most of the episode was taken up with a soapy subplot about the relationships between the protagonist George, his mistress Amy, (not in the original), his estranged wife Lucy (perfectly happily married in the original), and George's brother (another new character). At one point Lucy (who will be conveniently killed off so that George and Amy can live happily ever after once the invasion's over - it has been clumsily foreshadowed) complained that she'd been replaced by someone younger and prettier, despite looking identical to Amy. All of this was based more on Wells' life than his novel. 

There were also confusing scenes of two human figures wandering round what appeared to be Mars. These later turned out to be a flashforward to a Mars-like Earth, some years later. Again, not in the original.

There's a bit of a trend amongst adapters at the moment to take big liberties with the source material. ITV recently adapted Jane Austen's Sanditon, of which she had written so little when she died that it was all used in the first episode. And I gave up on the BBC's adaptation of Agatha Christie's The ABC Murders after a subplot involving Poirot having a shady past turned into a Message From Fred - "He's not Poirot." The overall impression is that adapters are more interested in telling their own stories than those they're working from. But if that's what you want to do, write an original story, not an adaptation.

The War of the Worlds is a classic for good reason. It's a foundational text of Science Fiction, the original alien invasion story, and a principled critique of colonialism. The best bits of the adaptation were those that stuck closest to the original. Peter Harness and the BBC should have had more faith in the source material.

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

The Trouble With Chris Chibnall

Chris Chibnall's writing for Doctor Who has generally been of poor quality. Dinosaurs on a Spaceship was basically silly. It was never explained why The Doctor would want to get together a posse including Nefertiti and a big game hunter (people who kill for pleasure aren't The Doctor's usual choice of friends), nor why Nefertiti would chose to elope with the big game hunter (who seemed the sort of man who'd treat a woman like another trophy) at the end. The Power of Three started with an interesting premise (the Slow Invasion), but ironically the ending was rushed - The Doctor just waved the Sonic Screwdriver at a control panel and everything was all right. 42 revolved around a gimmick and doesn't stick in the mind. Even his best story, The Hungy Earth / Cold Blood was a by the numbers Silurian story (human activity awakes the Silurians, they want to reclaim their planet, The Doctor attempts to broker a peace, negotiations are botched, Silurians forced back into hibernation) with no original ideas in it.

He was even worse as the showrunner on Torchwood, the "adult" (as in very, very childish) spin-off from Doctor Who which followed the misadventures of an alien-hunting squad so top secret that everybody in Cardiff knew who they were, apart from the heroine's boyfriend. Said heroine was granted immunity from character development, as this was a terminal disease in Torchwood. The show never really found a tone that worked. Two episodes written by Chibnall personally made you wish you had a vial of Retcon handy. Countrycide was a nasty cannibal hillbillies story, transferred to Wales. Cyberwoman's premise contained a massive plot hole - Ianto Jones has supposedly smuggled a cyberconversion unit containing his partially-converted girlfriend (this was before Ianto was gay) into the Torchwood Hub without anybody noticing. Even worse, while Doctor Who consistently portrays cyberconversion as a painful and dehumanising process, Torchwood portrayed it as fetish.

WARNING: YOU CANNOT UNSEE THIS

I did warn you.

Chibnall's defenders will say, "But Broadchurch was good." Well, it was if you like relentlessly depressing contemporary crime dramas. But in terms of tone, story, setting and intended audience, Broadchurch has nothing in common with Doctor Who. It seems that what he's best at writing is stuff that's nothing like Doctor Who at all.

More relevant is Camelot, which I don't think was a great success. I only saw one or two episodes, but the writing on it didn't seem that great. One thing I do remember is that one character (I think it was Guinevere) was introduced in a dream sequence in which she was seen dancing naked on a beach for no readily apparent reason.

So, when this second-rate writer, with a history of objectifying women, is made showrunner on Doctor Who, what does he do to make people love him? He resorts to gimmicks, of course, and his chosen gimmick in the unfortunate Josie Whittaker. She faces the prospect of having to carry an impossible burden of expectations while struggling with ropy scripts and misjudged tone, and possibly an inappropriate costume. It seems like the Tardis is taking us back to 1984.

When Colin Baker took the role, he wanted to portray a dark and edgy Doctor, something along the lines of Peter Capaldi's portrayal. However, the writing team at the time weren't up to the job, and interpreted it as brash, unlikable, and prone to dangerous mood swings. The Twin Dilemma is one of the few stories that can claim to be anywhere near as bad as Love & Monsters. Few of Colin Baker's stories were any good, but instead of laying the responsibility for this with John Nathan turner, where it belonged, the BBC made a scapegoat of Colin Baker, and sacked him. It didn't really help, and while some better writers came along later, Doctor Who was cancelled in 1989.

That's why I've started a petition to remove Chris Chibnall. Please sign it.

Thursday, 17 December 2015

Conscripts on Doctor Who

As mentioned before, my interests in conlanging and Doctor Who don't overlap as much as I'd like, due to Tardis telepathically translating everything. This apparently goes for writing too - in The Impossible Planet the Doctor realises that they're in a particularly dangerous situation when they encounter a script that the Tardis can't translate.

However, something odd has been going on this season. Amidst the rumours of the Hybrid, the theme of Truth of Consequences, the story of Ashildr, and the build up to the death of Clara, there's been another, more subtle theme in the background. In Under the Lake / Before the Flood, the Fisher King scratches this on the wall of his hearse.

The Fisher King's Script

The Doctor can't read it, and has to get Cass to lip-read what the ghosts are saying before he can work out what it means. The reason that the Tardis can't translate it is that the writing is intended to plant a message in the mind of the reader. Also, in that story we have the use of British Sign Language, which the Tardis can't translate because The Doctor's forgotten it.

In The Zygon Invasion / The Zygon Inversion we see this where the Zygon rebels have been active.

Zygon Script

Neither The Doctor, Clara nor the Tardis is present in these scenes, and whatever the poster says doesn't come into the story.

In Sleep No More, we see this Indo-Japanese script (apparently a hybrid on Kanji and Devanagari) on Le Verrier Space Station.

Indo-Japanese script

In this case it's not translated because what we're seeing has been hacked from the visual cortices of those who experienced the events, most of whom could read the script to start with. As in Under the Lake / Before the Flood, Ramussen's broadcast is meant to be a vector for mental malware.

Finally, in Face the Raven, we get this.

Aurebesh script

This is a bit of an oddity. It's the Aurebesh script from Star Wars, which is simply a cipher for the Roman alphabet (Star Wars never having cared about plausible languages). It says Delorean, which is presumably a Back to the Future reference. It looks like this is just an in-joke.

So, is this leading up to something? Might Doctor Who be about to start using conlangs? And if so, please can I make one?

Monday, 6 October 2014

Why Doctor Who needs a Scientific Advisor

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
- Arthur C. Clarke

A plot hole isn't something that's not explained. It's something you can't explain.
- Steven Moffat

Where does she get the milk for the soufflés?
- The Doctor Asylum of the Daleks

Kill the Moon was a weak episode. The theme of whether one should be prepared to do evil in the pursuit of a perceived greater good is a favourite one with Doctor Who, explored famously in Genesis of the Daleks, and more recently in The Beast Below and The Day of The Doctor. The Doctor's motives for leaving Clara and Courtney to make the crucial decision could have been better explored - a line to the effect of "I trusted you to do the right thing. I didn't trust myself," would have made far more sense of his actions. But the big problem is that the premisses of the story just didn't make sense.

We have a pretty good idea what the Moon is made of and how it was formed. If it were the egg of a giant space creature, the Apollo astronauts would have noticed. Even if it were, it wouldn't suddenly become heavier when it hatched - conservation of mass is one of the most basic laws of physics, so if something gets heavier, the extra mass has to come from somewhere. Bacteria are the size they are because their simple prokaryotic metabolism won't scale up. An oversized spider has to be a multicellular, eukaryotic organism. Even if a giant dragon could hatch out of the Moon, it couldn't fly away by flapping its wings in space - wings need an atmosphere to work. And if it did fly away, the gravitational effects of such a large thing doing so would seriously perturb the Earth's orbit. And no organism could lay an egg larger than itself immediately after hatching.

OK, this is a show about an alien who travels through time in a ship that's bigger on the inside, but even in that context these errors break suspension of disbelief. There's a difference between asking, "What if time travel were possible?" and just not caring about basic physics. The Doctor Who production team needs someone to consult about the scientific plausibility of a story, someone who could tell writers when something didn't work, and what they could do to improve it. "Either you need another way to set up your ethical dilemma, or we can work out something else that could be wrong with the Moon."

The worst story this century could have been vastly improved by a bit of scientific advice. "The monster could be a giant intelligent slime mould that engulfs its prey, and absorbs their knowledge as it digests them. It adopts the likeness of previous victims as camouflage. After The Doctor notices that it avoids one particular woman, who wears a distinctive perfume, he realises that vanilla contains a hormone that will cause its component cells to disperse harmlessly."

Doctor Who did employ somebody in this capacity once. That was Dr. Kitt Pedlar, co-creator of the cybermen.

Even the most fantastical universe has to make sense.

Monday, 17 February 2014

Ranking Doctor Who stories and writers

What with the 50th Anniversary last year, I thought it would be fun to sort the Doctor Who stories of the 21st Century into my personal order of preference. I wrote a Python script that repeatedly asked me Is Story A better than Story B? and used my answers as the basis of a binary sort that put the stories in order. The following is completely subjective, and I probably wouldn't even get the same result if I did it again, but here it is anyway.
  1. Blink by Steven Moffat
  2. The Empty Child / The Doctor Dances by Steven Moffat
  3. The Girl in the Fireplace by Steven Moffat
  4. Silence in the Library / Forest of the Dead by Steven Moffat
  5. The Impossible Astronaut / Day of the Moon by Steven Moffat
  6. The Time of Angels / Flesh and Stone by Steven Moffat
  7. The Rebel Flesh / The Almost People by Matthew Graham
  8. The Crimson Horror by Mark Gatiss
  9. The Doctor's Wife by Neil Gaiman
  10. The Day of the Doctor by Steven Moffat
  11. Cold War by Mark Gatiss
  12. Midnight by Russell T Davies
  13. The Hungry Earth / Cold Blood by Chris Chibnall
  14. A Town Called Mercy by Toby Whithouse
  15. Human Nature / The Family of Blood by Paul Cornell
  16. Night Terrors by Mark Gatiss
  17. Asylum of the Daleks by Steven Moffat
  18. The Impossible Planet / The Satan Pit by Matt Jones
  19. Hide by Neil Cross
  20. The Name of the Doctor by Steven Moffat
  21. Nightmare in Silver by Neil Gaiman
  22. The Time of the Doctor by Steven Moffat
  23. The Bells of Saint John by Steven Moffat
  24. The Angels Take Manhattan by Steven Moffat
  25. The Wedding of River Song by Steven Moffat
  26. The Eleventh Hour by Steven Moffat
  27. The Girl Who Waited by Tom MacRae
  28. A Good Man Goes to War by Steven Moffat
  29. Let's Kill Hitler by Steven Moffat
  30. The Pandorica Opens / The Big Bang by Steven Moffat
  31. The Unquiet Dead by Mark Gatiss
  32. 42 by Chris Chibnall
  33. The Power of Three by Chris Chibnall
  34. Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS by Steven Thompson
  35. Dinosaurs on a Spaceship by Chris Chibnall
  36. The God Complex by Toby Whithouse
  37. The Doctor's Daughter by Stephen Greenhorn
  38. Planet of the Ood by Keith Temple
  39. The Vampires of Venice by Toby Whithouse
  40. The End of Time by Russell T Davies
  41. The Waters of Mars by Russell T Davies and Phil Ford
  42. The Stolen Earth / Journey's End by Russell T Davies
  43. The Fires of Pompeii by James Moran
  44. Utopia / The Sound of Drums / Last of the Time Lords by Russell T Davies
  45. Rise of the Cybermen / The Age of Steel by Tom MacRae
  46. Amy's Choice by Simon Nye
  47. The Snowmen by Steven Moffat
  48. The Curse of the Black Spot by Stephen Thompson
  49. Victory of the Daleks by Mark Gatiss
  50. The Rings of Akhaten by Neil Cross
  51. The Unicorn and the Wasp by Gareth Roberts
  52. The Sontaran Strategem / The Poison Sky by Helen Raynor
  53. The Beast Below by Steven Moffat
  54. School Reunion by Toby Whithouse
  55. Vincent and the Doctor by Richard Curtiss
  56. The Lodger by Gareth Roberts
  57. Tooth and Claw by Russell T Davies
  58. Dalek by Robert Shearman
  59. Closing Time by Gareth Roberts
  60. The Shakespeare Code by Gareth Roberts
  61. Planet of the Dead by Russell T Davies and Gareth Roberts
  62. Daleks in Manhattan / Evolution of the Daleks by Helen Raynor
  63. Rose by Russell T Davies
  64. Smith and Jones by Russell T Davies
  65. Army of Ghosts / Doomsday by Russell T Davies
  66. Partners in Crime by Russell T Davies
  67. A Christmas Carol by Steven Moffat
  68. The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe by Steven Moffat
  69. Turn Left by Russell T Davies
  70. The Lazarus Experiment by Stephen Greenhorn
  71. New Earth by Russell T Davies
  72. The Next Doctor by Russell T Davies
  73. Bad Wolf / The Parting of the Ways by Russell T Davies
  74. The Idiot's Lantern by Mark Gatiss
  75. Gridlock by Russell T Davies
  76. Father's Day by Paul Cornell
  77. The Runaway Bride by Russell T Davies
  78. The Christmas Invasion by Russell T Davies
  79. Fear Her by Matthew Graham
  80. Aliens of London / World War Three by Russell T Davies
  81. The Long Game by Russell T Davies
  82. Voyage of the Damned by Russell T Davies
  83. The End of the World by Russell T Davies
  84. Boom Town by Russell T Davies
  85. Love & Monsters by Russell T Davies
As you can see, there's a lot of Steven Moffat stories at the top, and a lot of Russel T Davies at the bottom. Also, many of Steven Moffat's best stories were written before he was showrunner - a showrunner has to write more episodes, so they're not always going to be his absolute best. I also sorted the writers in order or the median rank of their stories, and got the following results.
  1. Neil Gaiman
    Stories written
    2
    Best
    The Doctor's Wife (9)
    Worst
    Nightmare in Silver (21)
  2. Matt Jones
    Stories written
    The Impossible Planet / The Satan Pit (18)
  3. Steven Moffat
    Stories written
    21
    Best
    Blink (1)
    Worst
    The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe (68)
    Typical
    The Bells of Saint John (23)
  4. Mark Gatiss
    Stories written
    6
    Best
    The Crimson Horror (8)
    Worst
    The Idiot's Lantern (74)
    Typical
    Night Terrors (16)
    The Unquiet Dead (31)
  5. Chris Chibnall
    Stories written
    4
    Best
    The Hungry Earth / Cold Blood (13)
    Worst
    Dinosaurs on a Spaceship (35)
    Typical
    42 (32)
    The Power of Three (33)
  6. Steven Thompson
    Stories written
    Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS (34)
  7. Neil Cross
    Stories written
    2
    Best
    Hide (19)
    Worst
    The Rings of Akhaten (50)
  8. Tom MacRae
    Stories written
    2
    Best
    The Girl Who Waited (27)
    Worst
    Rise of the Cybermen / The Age of Steel (45)
  9. Toby Whithouse
    Stories written
    4
    Best
    A Town Called Mercy (14)
    Worst
    School Reunion (54)
    Typical
    The God Complex (36)
    The Vampires of Venice (39)
  10. Keith Temple
    Stories written
    Planet of the Ood (38)
  11. Phil Ford
    Stories written
    The Waters of Mars (41)
  12. James Moran
    Stories written
    The Fires of Pompeii (43)
  13. Matthew Graham
    Stories written
    2
    Best
    The Rebel Flesh / The Almost People (7)
    Worst
    Fear Her (79)
  14. Paul Cornell
    Stories written
    2
    Best
    Human Nature / The Family of Blood (15)
    Worst
    Father's Day (76)
  15. Simon Nye
    Stories written
    Amy's Choice (46)
  16. Stephen Thompson
    Stories written
    The Curse of the Black Spot (48)
  17. Stephen Greenhorn
    Stories written
    2
    Best
    The Doctor's Daughter (37)
    Worst
    The Lazarus Experiment (70)
  18. Richard Curtiss
    Stories written
    Vincent and the Doctor (55)
  19. Helen Raynor
    Stories written
    2
    Best
    The Sontaran Strategem / The Poison Sky (52)
    Worst
    Daleks in Manhattan / Evolution of the Daleks (62)
  20. Robert Shearman
    Stories written
    Dalek (58)
  21. Gareth Roberts
    Stories written
    5
    Best
    The Unicorn and the Wasp (51)
    Worst
    Planet of the Dead (61)
    Typical
    Closing Time (59)
  22. Russell T Davies
    Stories written
    24
    Best
    Midnight (12)
    Worst
    Love & Monsters (85)
    Typical
    Turn Left (69)
    New Earth (71)
A surprise at the top of the list - despite having written 7 of the top 10 episodes on my list, Steven Moffat only comes third on the writers' list. This is because his season opener and finale episodes from his time as showrunner tend to rank a bit lower (although still respectable). It also shows how difficult it is to make the comparison when the number of episodes written varies so much. RTD fans will no doubt be howling with rage that he comes bottom of the list of writers, but despite everything he did for the show, he just so happens to have written more of the episodes I find weak than anybody else. Midnight was very good though, and narrowly missed out on getting into the top 10. One thing that's not surprising is that Steven Moffat's weakest episode was a Christmas Special - Christmas Specials are generally weak. You're free to debate these lists as much as you like. However, please don't try to convince me that Love & Monsters has any redeeming features at all.

Monday, 17 June 2013

Wherein I Announce my Candidacy

I've spent most of the last two weeks job hunting. There's plenty going in my line of work (artificial intelligence and big data), but I do wonder if it would be a good idea to make a new start and try something completely different. As it, happens, a post's just become available that would be right up my street. Doctor Who There seem to be a lot of reasons why I'd be a good fit for the part. For one thing, I've only ever met one person who loves the show more than me. Second, I've got the right sort of English Eccentric vibe to me, and could pull off what, in honour of the fourth Doctor, I call Tomfoolery like nobody's business. My looks fit as well - nearly good looking but a little odd, with angular features and deep-set, bright blue eyes that give me an intense air. At 39, I'm not too old for the part. I have two children, so I can relate to the younger viewers. With an academic background in physics and experience of artificial intelligence, I can do the best technobabble in the known universe. I can not only reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, I could tell you how to polarize your neutron flow to start with. I even have the title "Doctor". My old college's motto was eadem mutata resurgo, "I rise again, the same but changed", which is very appropriate for The Doctor. Indeed, I can only think of one drawback to me playing The Doctor, and that's that my last acting experience was as Loony Bergonzi in a college production of Bugsy Malone 20 years ago. If you're reading, Mr Moffat, get in touch...

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Some Original Reasons for Invading Earth

In some SF shows, it seems that Earth can scarcely get through a week without being invaded by aliens. The trouble is, the aliens are running out of reasons to invade. All the usual ones, enslaving the population, plundering the planet's mineral wealth, fleeing your doomed homeworld, converting the planet into a weapon of cosmic destruction, they've all been done. I'd like to suggest some alternatives for interplanetary despots in search of new reasons to invade.

Bragging rights

The guys back at home will be so jealous when they hear that we conquered Earth.

Turning the planet into a tourist resort

Beautiful scenery, fascinating cultures: Buy a SpaceTimeshare ® on Earth today!

Conceptual Art

This Happening challenges us to explore such themes as: What does it mean to be an alien? and Why do we really invade planets?

Dragées Those little silver coated sugar balls

used for decorating cakes. According to The Doctor, you can only get them on Earth. Have you any idea the price they fetch in Andromeda?

Thursday, 9 February 2012

Captain Zeno Goes Faster Than Light!

We humans don't like the word "impossible", which is why, no matter how unlikely it is that the neutrino anomaly will lead to faster-than-light spaceships, I, for one, have my fingers crossed. Let us imagine, for the sake of an SF thought experiment, that Captain Zeno is on the bridge, ready to begin humanity's first voyage to Delta Pavonis. He's plotted his course as accurately as possible, but over 20 light years, the margin of error is pretty vast. Worse than that, when you're going faster than light, you can't see where you're going. How can he steer?

Fortunately, there's an answer. Halfway there, he stops, checks his position and corrects his course. After half the remaining distance, he does it again, and keeps doing it until he's close enough to Delta Parvonis to go the rest of the way at a normal speed.

I call this Zenonian Navigation, after Zeno of Alexandria, who claimed that motion is impossible, because before you can go anywhere, you first have to get halfwat there, and before you can get halfway there... Probably the most obviously wrong idea in the history of maths.